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Precious Time blog

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Diagnosed with an aggressive and invariably fatal form of cancer, 32-year-old Emily Lahey has turned her illness into performance art. Her remaining time, she tells journalist Dee Jefferson of The Guardian, is “not a clock running out, but a precious gift not to be wasted”.
 


Emily has terminal cancer. So why is she auctioning off her remaining time?

American musician Alan Sparhawk and his wife Mimi Parker achieved enormous fame and respect as the core of alt-rock band Low. All that came to a terrible end when Parker, 55, died of cancer. In this long and beautiful story Sparhawk talks with journalist David Hutcheon – who also lost his wife to cancer – about grief, memory, and the enduring struggle to carry on.

Low’s Alan Sparhawk on the death of his wife and bandmate Mimi Parker: ‘If you fall in love, you know this could happen'

After enduring profound loneliness following the deaths of both parents, Lisa Wright explains how she found solace and understanding in the act of missing them, which ultimately provided a path to healing. 

Finding solace in grief: How embracing loss helped heal a broken heart

Several companies now combine virtual reality and artificial intelligence technologies with family memories, social media posts, recordings and other material to create digital models of people who have died. Some are chatbots, some are onscreen avatars and some are even three-dimensional robots. They talk, they laugh, they cry, they learn – or at least appear to. But are they a good idea?



 With artificial intelligence, the dead – or something like them – can live on

Fans of long-running television chefs The Hairy Bikers were saddened when co-host Dave Myers died from cancer in early 2024. The other half of the duo, Si King, was devastated. Here he talks to The Observer’s food critic, Jay Rayner, about coming to terms with life and work in the silence that descended with the loss of his best friend. 

  Reflections on the death of a famous friend

Since the 1960s it has been commonly understood that grief proceeds in well-defined stages. It’s a useful way of viewing what happens to people who lose a loved one. However, in this long and thoughtful piece for Psyche magazine, US philosophy professor Joshua Thomas suggests that, for him at least, there is another way to understand it.

A kitchen accident helped this writer to deal with the loss of parent  

Some people don’t want to end up in a cemetery. Writing in The Conversation, researchers Sandra van der Laan and Lee Moerman explain that other options often come with complications.

 Want to be buried on your own land, at sea or in a forest? A guide to unconventional send-offs

Before she died, US comedian Joan Rivers booked the New York City Gay Men’s Chorus to sing at her funeral. Events to mark one’s passing don’t have to be big affairs, of course, but increasingly, people who know their life is ending want to have a hand in planning them. And why not? There’s nothing like a good send-off.

It’s your funeral! How to plan ahead for the best party you’ll never attend

After a rich and full life, and last year’s loss of her beloved husband, AFL legend Ron, Cherryl’s own declining health has left her wanting out. Denied access to voluntary assisted dying, she will not rule out other ways of ending her days.

 “It’s time for me to go,” says Cherryl Barassi

Palliative care is essential for people with life-limiting illnesses, but how well it works is still strongly influenced by each person’s gender. In this thought-provoking piece from The Guardian, writer Freia Lily looks at why women face disadvantages not faced by men. 

Why do women and men experience palliative care differently?

While 200,000 Australians a year register as organ donors, only perhaps 2000 donate their bodies to universities for medical or scientific research. In this story for ABC News, journalist Tessa Flemming explores the reasons why.


How do you donate your body to science? (And do you want to?)

“One of the key forms of suffering at the end of life is regret for things left unsaid or undone. So bucket lists can serve as a form of insurance against this potential regret.” Many people facing the end of life strive to do things they always wanted to do – but never quite got around to doing. In this article in The Conversation, we learn the good, the bad and the ugly aspects of bucket list planning …

Are bucket lists really a thing? And should you make one?

For some people nearing the end of life, talking in plain and unvarnished terms can be helpful. In this short video made by Hospice UK, we hear why the choice of words is often very important.

  Video: The way we talk about dying matters

A funeral, writes Melbourne author Ruby Todd, is “a space for love and grief in their deepest concentration”. Writing in The Guardian, she explains what she learned about living by going to the funerals of strangers.



Searching for the essence of goodbye

Is it ever okay to lie to a dying parent? Sometimes, yes, for the benefit of all involved. US writer Cari Shane, in the magazine Proto, explains.

For the sake of kindness, lie before they die

Every child reacts differently to the death of a loved one, depending on their developmental stage, past experiences and relationship to the person who has died. 

Supporting small children through the death of a loved one

"If witnessing someone coming into the world is a privilege then it's surely not a great stretch to feel the same way about being there when someone leaves the world at the other end of their lives," writes UK broadcaster and columnist for The Guardian, in this short reflection on the death of his father.


It is a privilege to be present when someone dies

Many people with painful terminal illnesses consider making the ultimate choice and ending life under Victoria’s voluntary assisted dying law. But in this exclusive story for Precious Time journalist Nicole Chvastek discovered that the process is by no means easy – or available to all who want it.

Voluntary assisted dying: what is it, and what is it not?

New research into the dying brain suggests the line between life and death may be less distinct than previously thought.

The new science of death: ‘There’s something happening in the brain that makes no sense’

Sometimes patients with life-limiting conditions feel that they lose their identity and that others see them only in terms of their disease.



Seeing the person, not the illness

Some people die without family or friends. But Victoria’s State Trustees and a band of extraordinary volunteers ensure that no one is left unacknowledged. ABC reporter Rhiannon Stevens visits a very special cemetery.


The last resting place of the lost

“Who’d have guessed this time with Dad as he’s dying – the four of us, together again – could be so ineffably precious. A final wild gift he gives us.” Melbourne-based author Myfanwy Jones, writing in The Guardian, recounts the time spent with her father during his last days.

A novelist daughter writes about the passing of her poet father

“I trudge forward and savour joy when it happens,” writes Charles Donovon in The Guardian. Despite the weight of his grief after losing his partner to HIV, he shares how he persists, moving forward one step at a time.

 A moment that changed me: I was told the love of my life was going to die

Buddhist-inspired practices are common among those who identify as spiritual but not religious. Now they are being adopted for end-of-life care, too. In this story from The Guardian, Dr Hannah Gould and Dr Anna Halafoff report.

Buddha shoulda woulda: Can Buddhism help people die well?

Learning that you have a life-limiting illness comes as a profound shock. But after the horror comes a crucial question: how do you spend the time between diagnosis and death? In this remarkable collection of reflections published in The Guardian, 30 people from around the world who are facing death share their thoughts and strategies for finding peace and joy (and even comedy).

Looking on the bright side: finding clarity in imminent death

Deciding what to do with a dead friend or relative’s online presence is complicated and time-consuming. Writing in The Guardian, Josh Taylor explains.

Digital afterlife – how to deal with social media accounts when someone dies

If you could talk to the dead, would you want to? Precious Time asked journalist 
Nicole Chvastek to explore the strange world of AI-powered grief bots. Read her story here. 

Digital Immortals: death tech making the dead live again 

“Talking about death will help us live together better,” says palliative care doctor Kathryn Mannix in this lovely, short, animated video.

A painted guide to death

The problem with dying is that you miss your own funeral. When Annie Werner, 45, discovered her breast cancer had spread and that her death was only a short time away, she decided to hold a “living wake”. So, she booked a hall and invited lots of friends to celebrate her life – and decorate her coffin. She described the process, the planning and the event to journalist Imogen Dewey from The Guardian.

The woman who celebrated her death before she died

Sepultura, from Brazil, are one of the most respected heavy metal bands in the world, but success brings no protection against tragedy.

In July 2022, the band’s guitarist Andreas Kisser lost his wife of 32 years, Patricia Perissinoto Kisser, to colon cancer. In November 2023, he was finally ready to talk about the experience – how the couple approached death, and the lessons learned during the process.


Sepultura's Andreas Kisser: “I Don't Understand Why People Are So Afraid To Talk About Dying”

When Precious Time blogger Andrew Masterson’s elderly mother was diagnosed with an inoperable condition, both of them were thrown into turmoil. In the wake of her passing Andrew reflects on the experience in the hope that he might provide some insight for others facing the imminent death of a family member. Read his story here.

When death is near: a survival guide for next of kin

Journalist Rachelle Unreich talked to her dying mother to distract her from discomfort and to fill her the last days with conversation and love. In doing so she found out things she never would have imagined. 



Discovering new things even in the final days

Bereaved children are at risk of developing anxiety, depression, poor academic performance, suicidal thoughts and engaging in substance use. However, new research from Curtin University in WA suggests that encouraging kids who have lost someone to ask questions helps them better understand the impact and reduce the trauma.

For children, asking questions about death can lessen the pain

Ali Shaheed Muhammad is an American hip hop DJ, record producer, and rapper, best known as a member of A Tribe Called Quest. 
In this fascinating, reflective and deeply humane conversation, he talks about the deaths of his grandmother, his father – an Imam who worked in the US prison sentence – his artistic collaborator, Phife Dawg, and … a pet salamander. 



A rapper’s thoughts on kicking it

The wedding and travel plans of Fleur Pierets were destroyed when her wife was diagnosed with multiple brain tumours. In this article in The Guardian, she talks about love, loss and the celebration of a life well-lived.

A moment that changed me: my wife and I had resolved to marry 22 times. Her death was devastating

“Palliative care provides a time to ask some usually taboo questions,” writes Western Australian researcher Samar Aoun. “What kind of death do you want to experience? Who is in your personal network? How will they respond to your life ending? What kind of support can they offer?”
Read more in her story in The Conversation.



What actually is palliative care? And how is it different to end-of-life care?

Around 500 people, mostly in the US, have paid huge amounts of money to be frozen at death in the hope that one day the technology will exist to bring them back to life. Alas, as Laurie Clarke reports in MIT Technology Review, it’s a hope placed much more in science fiction than science fact.

Can you be frozen at death, and brought back in the future?

US writer Amy Ettinger is dying from a rare and aggressive cancer. The diagnosis shocked, confused and angered her, but on reflection, she told The Washington Post, she has no regrets about the life she has lived.

Looking back and smiling as early death approaches


Recently, researchers at Flinders University in South Australia created a free easy-to-read booklet on dealing with grief and loss when someone dies in aged care. It is based on a mixture of health expert advice and the lessons drawn from people who have been through the process of mourning such a passing. 

Booklet contains useful advice on grief and loss for families when someone dies in aged care 

“Grief is the most powerful experience because at its heart is love,” writes Perth-based editor and writer Margaret McNally. “Grief endures because our love endures.”

Almost two years after my husband’s death I’m still grieving – but I’m also living in his honour

“A full explanation for the conscious experiences of dying people remains elusive,” writes journalist Jordan Kinard in Scientific American. 

 Inside the locked room: the last living moments of the mind

It's common for people who discover they have a life-limiting condition to want to go on a bucket list holiday, but can you still get travel insurance? Yes, says 'Escape' writer Doc Holiday.

Can a person with a terminal illness get travel insurance?

When a person develops a life-limiting and debilitating condition such as dementia, the responsibility for caring for them is very often assumed by a family member.  

Who cares for the carers? 

People with cancer comprise the largest category of people admitted to hospital for palliative care, according to a new report published by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW).

New report paints a picture of palliative care in Australia

Older people aren’t the only ones to have their lives shortened by dementia. It’s little discussed but in Australia childhood dementia takes more lives than childhood cancer. For young people with one of several rare genetic diseases that affect the brain, the prospects are bleak – and the toll on parents is enormous. 

When children develop dementia

American philosopher Paul Woodruff knows his death is near, but his focus is very much on living.

“There’s nothing wrong with dying. All the best people in history have done it.” 

There are some things we just don’t talk about. In Australia dying and death remain two of them. However, get-togethers known as Death Cafes provide opportunities for the curious to meet like-minded people to discuss lots of questions and issues around the end of life.  

A nice cup of coffee and a chat about dying 

Barbara Karnes is a palliative care nurse in Canada, who specialises in explaining the dying process to patients, families and carers. There are, she says, “new rules” to managing and understanding the patient experience at the end of life – rules that see the final stage of life as social and cultural rather than medical. Dying, she says, is not a medical process.

How to understand the end of life  

The boundary between life and death can be surprisingly blurry. Knowing when a loved one has truly passed away is important for the grieving and recovery process of family and friends. How, then, is death defined? 

How do doctors define death? 

Knowing that their death is approaching, many people want to spend the time left to them in their own home, surrounded and supported by family and friends. 

This is both legal and possible, but it is important to make sure a few important agreements are in place and in writing.


What to expect when a loved one wants to die at home

Natural or “green” burials in Australia are growing in popularity, but are not yet available everywhere. Cemeteries and councils have different regulations – and even different definitions of what constitutes an environmentally sustainable burial. 



Natural burials in Australia

Choices about end-of-life matters are hard enough, but what if you are no longer able to speak for yourself? With something called ‘advanced care planning’, everyone can make their wishes known. 

Making sure your treatment choices are honoured

If you need end-of-life care, this website has been created to support you, your friends and family.

I’ve received an end of life diagnosis


The news that a loved one or friend is dying is devastating, and the decision to devote time to caring for them is momentous.  

I’m caring for someone with a life-limiting illness

It’s difficult to know what to say to someone who is bereaved, or even whether to say anything at all. 





What not to say to someone who is grieving 

What happens to our physical remains when we die? How does nature take its course – and how is that affected by our choices about how we are treated after death? 

How to read about death without crying 

All cultures and religions have rituals of one sort or another, and those around death are particularly important and widespread. 

From mummification to sky burials: why we need death rituals 

Receiving an end-of-life diagnosis is shattering. But the impact is one that can be shared, and help is available from the first moment onwards. For body and mind, there are professionals available for patients, family, and carers, throughout the journey. 

Finding help in the first dark days

When a loved one receives an end-of-life diagnosis it is profoundly shocking. This is not only for the person, but also for family, carers, and friends. However, there are many services available for people caring for someone who is terminally ill. 

Enduring the grief that comes before you grieve

Death is something that many cultures stay silent about. In this article from The Conversation author and academic Dr Steve Taylor explains why thinking about death and accepting that it is always around us helps us to see life more clearly.

Death and the pursuit of happiness 

For people who have lost a loved one, and those close to them, looking at what lies beneath the immediate sorrow can help ease the pain. One thing that can emerge from expressing grief is, perhaps surprisingly, poetry, bringing a kind of gentle, bittersweet beauty. 

Finding beauty in grief 

As the modern world becomes increasingly aware of humanity’s impact on the environment, funeral practices are starting to become greener.

Theology and doing without a casket 

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