Supporting small children through the death of a loved one

What to expect

According to UNICEF Parenting, children under 5 are too young to understand that death is permanent. For example, they may ask when the person who has died is coming back. It’s also common for small children to be particularly clingy for a period of time, or to display regressive behaviours, such as wetting the bed, wanting a bottle, or returning to crawling.

How to respond

After the death of a loved one, it’s important to reassure small children that they will be looked after and kept safe. Some strategies include:

• encouraging play as an outlet for feelings and emotions

• providing comfort in the form of hugs, rocking, singing and encouragement

• answering questions in a simple, honest and factual way

• using real words, such as 'dead' and 'died' (rather than 'lost' or 'passed away')

• explaining that the person who has died won't be coming back

• maintaining a routine around daily activities such as cleaning, meals and play

• reading children's books together about loss and grief.

Where to find more support

Please browse the links for more information and resources on supporting children through loss and grief.

• Cancer Council NSW – How children understand death

• Red Nose Grief and Loss – Ages and stages

• UNICEF Parenting – How to talk to your children about the death of a loved one

• Grief Australia – Including access to counselling, support groups and the MyGrief App

This article was written by Melbourne writer Lauren Donley.