How do I tell people that I am dying?

It's very common to avoid talking about death. People can have very different experiences of grief when they find out that they are dying. There is no easy or right way to tell a person that you are dying. It can help to prepare and practice what to say and when to say it.

Cancer Council Victoria has these tips:

• Decide who to tell and what you want to say.

• When you're ready, choose a quiet place.

• Only respond to their questions if you feel comfortable. You don’t have to share every detail.

• Be prepared for people to react in different ways. Common reactions include becoming uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, getting upset, and denial.

Discussing your fears and concerns about death with trusted family and friends can often help you and them through the process. It is normal to have days when you don't feel like talking about it. And others might be unsure of what you want. Let people know if you are or are not comfortable with them acknowledging that you are dying and talking about it.

How to tell children

Children understand death differently to adults and their understanding changes as they grow.

There is no easy way to tell a child or children that you are dying. It will be confronting and difficult. It's normal to be protective, but children need time to prepare, just as adults do. Cancer Council Victoria has more information about talking to kids and offers these tips:

• It may be easier to have your partner or a support person with you when you have the initial discussion.

• Be honest with your children and explain the situation using straightforward words, such as ‘dying’ and ‘death’. Avoid terms such as ‘passed away,’ ‘lost’, ‘went to sleep’ or ‘resting’, which can be confusing or alarming for them. Don’t put unfair expectations on health care workers, for example, saying ‘the nurse is going to make it better'.

• Keep your explanations as simple as possible, and be guided by their questions so you don’t offer more information than they may want or can handle.

• Depending on their age, children may benefit from seeing a counsellor or play therapist.