Thinking about how you will be remembered is common as people get older, and especially people who are nearing the end of their life. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

How would you like to be remembered?

The question of whether someone wants to go home to die or stay in hospital can be difficult to answer on the spot, without a chance to think about or discuss it privately first. But this happens quite a lot. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

If you had to decide whether to die at home or in a hospital, which would you choose?

Traditions can be complex subjects. Every person and family is unique, and in end of life care settings you often have to ask for what you want. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

What cultural, religious or family traditions are important to you?

The important things in life, and daily life, are different for every person and can change. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

What is important to you?

Mental wellbeing is important to people's experience of end of life. Feelings of strength, comfort and happiness make a huge difference to their quality of life. Here are some ways to give someone the chance to talk about what makes them feel happy.

What makes you happy?

Family, friends and carers can help someone who is dying feel comfortable. But problems can happen when people have different views. Ultimately, the dying person should decide who is involved in making decisions. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

How involved would you like your family and carers to be in decisions about your care?

Checking in with a carer who is caring for, or who has lost, a loved one can cause anxiety. But you don't have to guess what their needs are. Often it's best just to ask. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

Checking in with someone who's caring for, or has lost, a loved one.

End of life care is about living well until you die. The most important things are not the same for everyone, and every moment matters. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

How do you want to spend your time?

Most people agree that, at the end of life, it's important to talk about their preferences for care during this time. But only a quarter of people actually do talk about it. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

If your condition gets worse, what would you like me to do?

Illness can affect how someone feels about intimacy and relationships. Many people find it hard to start talking about it. Surroundings and changes to your body can affect how you feel about your sense of self, your sexuality and your relationships. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

Intimacy and relationships

It's natural to want to help someone with an illness, or someone caring for someone who's dying, or someone who has cared for someone who has died. For some people accepting help, and feeling okay to decline help, can be hard. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

What do you want help with?

What gives meaning to people's lives is as diverse and unique as people are. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

What gives meaning to your life?

Feeling strong, comfortable and happy are big factors in people’s mental wellbeing and therefore their experience of illness and the end of their life. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

What helps you feel at your best?

It's very common to feel fear at one time or another when confronting illness or death. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

What worries you or scares you?

Some people like to be involved in every decision about their care. Some people prefer to leave it to others. The most important thing is that the person who is dying gets to have a say and be as in control as they want to be. Here are some examples of things to think or talk about.

How involved would you like to be in decisions about your care?

Families and friends are an important part of many people's lives. Some relationships can also be difficult. Here are some ways to start a conversation and give someone a chance to talk about which people are most important to them right now.

Who are the most important people in your life?

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A community based palliative care service supporting people and their families with advanced disease, when cure is no longer possible. The aim is for each person to experience the best quality of life physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially. This service cover seven municipalities including: Brimbank, Maribyrnong, Melbourne, Melton, Moonee Valley, Hobsons Bay and Wyndham.

Mercy Health - Palliative Care Sunshine

This service provides community members online and in-person programs that help with staying engaged, active and connected. 

Activities include:

- information sessions
- exercise
- yoga classes
- meditation
- story sharing
- music


City of Melbourne - Healthy ageing programs and events

A Pat, Chat And A Walk A Day is a social group that recognises the importance of exercise, social connection and company.  Local community members can take walks together, bring their pets and meet new people in their community. 


Council on the Ageing Victoria - A Pat, Chat And A Walk A day

Staying active has many benefits. It can help with stress, fatigue and pain. This section helps you find ways to keep moving.

This organisation supports the ageing population, people of all abilities and their carers, who do not have other means of getting out and about by providing life-enriching services through effective, accessible and flexible social and home support.

Link provides services for:
- Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people aged 50+
- seniors aged 65+
- people with a disability and their carers
- private passengers who choose an alternative to business operators such as TAXIs and Uber

Link currently operates in 108 suburbs in the northern and western suburbs of Metropolitan Melbourne.

LINK community Transport

Northern Health's social support group program provides activities and socialisation for older people living in the northern suburbs of Melbourne.

This includes:

- connecting with others through hobbies and leisures
- gentle exercise sessions 
- health education sessions
- group lunches.


Northern Health - Social Support Group Program

The Jewish Care Active Living Centres in Windsor and Caulfield provide seniors a place to connect with others through health services and social programs to support seniors living independently in the community. 

The centre offers:

- allied health services
- social support groups
- respite programs for carers
- home care packages and in-home care
- financial services
- individual and family support services
- employment help
- disability support and services
- residential aged care services
- and a Holocaust Survivor Support Program

Jewish Care: Active Living Centre - Social and active programs for seniors

Sunbury Corps is a companionship club that runs interest groups, support and pastoral services. 

The Salvation Army - Sunbury Corps

### Staying active has many benefits. It can help with stress, fatigue and pain. This section helps you find ways to keep moving.

Regular movement can lift your mood, make you feel more in control, and relieve symptoms of an illnesses or treatment. In this section you will find services like social groups and transport. Precious Time lists services for a wide range of people and situations. Most are open to all types of people, including people with a specific illness, carers, family, friends and people who are grieving. There are services for communities, cultural groups and people who speak languages other than English.

Be more active

Staying active has many benefits. It can help with stress, fatigue and pain. This section helps you find ways to keep moving.

Conversation starters

What is important to you?

Related categories

Conversation starters

What helps you feel at your best?

Related services:

Mercy Health - Palliative Care Sunshine

City of Melbourne - Healthy ageing programs and events

Council on the Ageing Victoria - A Pat, Chat And A Walk A day

LINK community Transport

Questions

What is palliative care?

How do I help someone with their last wishes?

Who do I need around me at the end of my life?